DEEP WI-FI
Do you like SCIENCE?
How about TECHNOLOGY?
And, let me guess, a little thing called, the “INTERNET”?
Of course you do!
Well, have I got news for you! Scientists, working in a lab (that’s a laboratory for us laypeople), have put all of these things together to create something for everyone. It’s called, “DEEP WI-FI.”
Don’t you hate it when you’re watching your favorite documentary about a typeface (mine’s “Helvetica”) but the picture starts getting fuzzy because the streaming service you’re watching it on isn’t getting a strong signal? Well, I don’t, because I own it on Blu-Ray, but enough about me!
Your viewing experience is suffering because of that silly dish on your roof or maybe it’s those flimsy cables connecting to your house. You need better technology and that takes better science in order to bring you a better internet.
You need DEEP WI-FI.
We’ve located small DEEP WI-FI emitters throughout the globe. Each is just a mere 200 square meters and only 20 meters high. It’s basically a really big tree, except it’s better. What do trees give us? Food? Oxygen? Shelter? All things you can order online when you’ve got DEEP WI-FI powering your internet shopping experience.
Now we’re getting to the part where I can tell you’re losing patience. You want to know the catch. Is it the cost? Is it commitment? Did I mention that scientists built this in a lab?
Nearly anyone is eligible for installation as long as they have a house, no apartments will be accepted. Said house must have a roof no less than 8 meters high. Said roof must be no less than 30 square meters in area. If you’re still on board, let’s talk installation.
Our trained technicians will install the DEEP WI-FI receivers on your roof. This process may include adding additional shoring at all of your bearing walls to ensure your roof doesn’t collapse from the weight of the massive internet you’re getting. Just kidding, it’s the cast iron encasements of all the wires in the receiving system that weigh so much.
After the simple, 30-day installation process, you’ll be instantly ready to connect to the internet, but not just any internet, the internet provided by DEEP WI-FI.
Previous testimonies of DEEP WI-FI have included:
“Internet works well in the attic.”
“My God, the stomach pains are unending.”
“I’ve never had this many leaks in my roof before!”
And if that isn’t enough to convince you, check your pulse, you might be dead! Or, you might be suffering from one of the many side effects possible in a house supplied by DEEP WI-FI.
If you needed to pick suffering for a week making frequent trips to the toilet unsure of whether or not your body still has control of its own functions or having crystal clear internet for 11 months out of the year, I’d say that’s an easy choice, probably.
So what are you waiting for? Visit our website for more information and to schedule your free estimate (with rebate upon signing up for a service contract).
And remember, if it isn’t DEEP WI-FI, it’s just Wi-Fi.
J.P. Polewczak
Latest posts by J.P. Polewczak (see all)
- Where is Home? - 29/07/16
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- DEEP WI-FI - 09/07/16
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