I used to laugh at the agony aunt column when readers talked of infidelity. The common phrase always seemed to be ‘before we knew it we were naked and making love on the sofa, floor, kitchen table – well, you get the picture. Then it happened to me…not so much the instantaneous sex but that sudden lightning bolt forcing a new perspective by changing the angle of the shadows. He is the best friend of Mark – my Husband. Don’t roll your eyes. I know it is cliched. Six months ago the idea that I would have been actively pursuing an affair would have seemed ridiculous to me. Now I am that person-I was about to say that I am the one sneaking around and devising ‘opportunities’. Only that isn’t true. Mark loves and trusts us both. I don’t need to make up excuses or lies. I simply say that I’m meeting up with Ben and he asks me to say ‘Hi’ or return a borrowed DVD.

Before the lightning Ben was a good friend – that was that. He decided to set up his own business and as I have marketing experience he asked if I would help him get his ideas off the ground. We started to meet up at a local coffee shop – it was a half way point for both of us. We had known each other for years and were easy company in that comfy jumper kind of way. Small talk not required. For months we met up weekly, huddled together in front of a laptop. Occasionally Mark would come and join us for the last hour and we would catch up as a group over coffee and cake.

Once the project was up and running Ben invited us round for dinner as a thank you. Mark took ill and insisted that I still go. Initially I declined – we could reschedule. Mark wouldn’t have it though stating that I had done all the work afterall.

I won’t bore you with the details of the evening. You don’t want to hear about the dinner anyway-it’s the sex you’re interested in. Yes we ended the night naked in Ben’s bed. After the passion had subsided the weight of our actions hit us and we both cried. Choked by guilt. We were in shock-neither of us able to comprehend this jolting shift. Ironically we became awkward around each other-this was a new feeling. It was like an eyetest when the optician tries several different lenses in those crazy glasses. I was looking at Ben through one of those lenses. Something had happened to my focus and I couldn’t adjust it. For a short while I felt lost and distressed.

The intimacy isn’t better-just different and I think that it’s this that makes it easy to continue. That and the fact that neither of us has any intention of building a life together. We both love Mark too much to risk losing him and neither of us need each other more than we need Mark. For now we continue to meet up as we always did-only now we end the night naked and in each others arms. Don’t be too quick to judge. Do you truly know that you would never do the same. Like I said earlier, if six months ago you had told me that I would be divulging a secret such as this I would have laughed and dismissed the notion as ludicrous. And yet here I am…

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Amanda Bird

Amanda has always thought of herself as an armchair traveller, and since early childhood books and stories have provided the portal to other worlds. Her love of reading sparked a passion for writing and she has been writing stories since... a very long time ago! She now lives in Hove, and the view allows space for her imagination to roam.

Latest posts by Amanda Bird (see all)

• N7 - 27/07/16
• Doesn’t Dance Well With Others - 26/03/16
• Hunting High and Low - 15/02/16
• A Point of View - 09/02/16
• The Naked Truth - 04/02/16