Party ’til You Drop
Two hundred people flooded into Millennial Park for the quarterly Party ’til You Drop. Attendees were selected on a strict first-come first-serve basis with no exceptions, as that is the only way to ensure fairness and adhere to the philosophy that Everyone is Equal When You Drop.
Everything flows freely at PYD. The finest food, beer, wine, and drugs, all provided free of charge for the lucky attendees. It was a dream come true for Carol Danning. She’d had it rough the last year after losing her job in a corporate merger. Jobs are hard to come by, and she always felt fortunate to have hers in this economy, given her skill set. When registration opened for PYD she signed up online and was lucky enough to grab a spot.
It took James Cronburg considerably longer. He’d been trying to get a PYD ticket for over a year, but perseverance pays off because he was partying that night, fine wine and LSD flowing through his veins. James had spent the last five years on the street, and without proper housing or medical care he’d developed a painful lung disease. The drugs helped him forget his ills and allowed him to party like nothing mattered.
At the center of Millennial Park is the entertainment stage. The greatest musicians play via hologram on that stage, simultaneously broadcast to PYD locations across the country. On every corner of the stage are giant screens that project each attendees face for three seconds each – three seconds of unforgettable fame. All two hundred people get a chance to see their face in the big lights during their ten hour PYD experience.
Seeing her face on the big screens meant everything to Amanda Morgan. She’d always longed to be an actress, but never had the opportunity – or the pretty face – to really make it happen. Every guest’s PYD confirmation slip contains the exact time their face will be on the big boards, and Amanda waited eagerly for her time slot. To be up in the lights, even for a moment, meant more to her than the big name entertainment, the gourmet food, the free pharmaceutical-grade drugs, or the care-free sex. For those three seconds she was a superstar, and for the other ten hours she partied like one.
At precisely ten hours and one second after the PYD commencement horn sounded, the specially designed floor of Millennial Park – and the identically designed PYD facilities around the country – activated, causing a pain-free jolt of electricity to stop the hearts of all two hundred attendees.
Party ’til You Drop honors its attendees who make the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good. In a time when climate change, pollution, overpopulation, and disease has claimed so many, the brave souls attending their local Party ’til You Drop volunteer to end their painful lives so that others may live better, fuller lives. We thank them with the resources our government provides them to have one last blissful night on Earth. Though it may seem extravagant, the resources they would draw from society and from the state over a single three month period are far greater, which is why PYD enters its fifteenth year this Spring.
If you or someone you know is interested in attending a local Party ’til You Drop, simply search for “Party ’til You Drop” or “Government Sanctioned Suicide” on any Internet access device to learn how, when, and where to reserve your spot.
Paid for by the Office of Assisted Suicide, Department of Heath and Human Regulation. “Party ’til You Drop” is an official governmental trademark, any unauthorized use is subject to fine and potential execution.
Doktor Andy
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