Into the Light
It feels like every time i go out in the sun I get burned. Everytime I reach out, bare my skin and expose myself to the harsh rays of the world, its only a fleeting moment of warmth and light before pain, searing and scorching, that sends me back into my cave again.
The last time wasn’t even the worse. There was that blissful moment, when time stretches and warps and all you want to do it stay in each others company. It seemed like it would last forever; like all we needed for subsistence was each other. But really, it only lasted a few weeks, just long enough for me to forget the sunblock on my soul, and the real damage could start to set in.
You don’t even notice the reddening at first, that pink tinge on your skin that shows you are over-exposed. Love is warmth and heat but love is anathesia, numbing your pain even as it creeps and spreads. The disagreements become arguments, the resolutions never made, left unsaid, left for the morning after, left for the next week.
And then the warmth and heat of the day is gone, and the long night sets in, and that redness is all you have, a constant, iching burn deep into your flesh that soon turns to a cracking, festering horror that consumes you. Once again, time stretches out in front of you, but instead of bliss you have cold, agonised spikes surrounding a hole that nothing can fill. A hole that is inside you, that you fall into, and retreat away from everything,everyone, and vow never to so much as glimpse at the sun again.
But that was long ago now. And here I go again, out into the light.