just a quick note to let you know I finished reading the first draft last night. I don’t have time for a detailed critique yet, so these are just a few quick observations. Overall it’s a good piece- you really manage to convey your passion and enthusiasm for the art you create. There are a few things I would suggest changing.
First, your comments about the gallery owners who turned you down at the start of your career. I can understand you still having some feelings of resentment towards them, but I’m pretty sure that everything you said is libellous. As far as I know, John Owen Clarke has never murdered anyone, and Steven Berkowsky definitely did not expose himself in the lunchroom of an orphanage. Insult them all you like, but try to avoid anything that can get you sued.
Secondly, and I’m no expert here, but I’m pretty sure that including your ex-wife’s current address, along with the offer of a $50,000 reward to whoever ‘breaks the lying bitch’s neck’ isn’t entirely legal. Venting your feelings is fine, but I’m pretty sure that incitement to murder is not. Although, as I said, I’m no expert.
Finally, there is the passage where you refer to your estranged son Mark as having killed himself to escape from his own patheticness and failure as a human. Ordinarily I would have no problem with that, as the dead can’t sue, but I saw Mark having lunch at Zdarsky’s yesterday afternoon, and he seemed in good spirits, so I’m not sure what you were driving at there.
Again, let me reassure you that the rest of it reads fine, and I think we have a real winner on our hands, just as soon as we iron out the kinks.
Artful Books, inc