Those Who Can’t

It’s not years anymore, its decades. Well, A decade – but it’s still depressing. I graduated 10 years ago. This thought slapped me hard in the face just the other day and the sting hasn’t quite worn off yet. It started me reminiscing about the old days. I loved the nights in sitting around our student house as much as the nights out but there are parties that have passed from awesome to legend to myth. There was the time that, halfway to New York’s, we all decided that we preferred what someone else was wearing so swapped. There was the night that everyone but me saw one of the fifth floor geeks mini-puke into his hand before offering up a high-five (I was the only one who accepted). There was the time I was drunk enough to go nuts when Busted came on and started dry-humping the nearest speaker. I could go on but you’d start losing respect for me.

On that note, it’s amazing how base people can get when they’re young and carefree; the sex and the puking, not at the same time – though it wasn’t unheard of. The primal need for food, anything remotely edible. Projecting your feelings, good or bad, on whoever’s next to you. Tears, screaming and fighting left, right and centre. A serious lack of respect, judgement and balance. The random fancy-dress. I couldn’t do any of it it now but I have very fond memories.

Since then, I’ve wasted a lot of time. Mainly sat in wheelie-chairs, wearing headsets, trying to recreate my uni days in the 72 hours before Monday rolls in again. I got fed up of that as the 8 year mark approached and I’ve just qualified as a teacher. They say those that can’t teach but, to my complete surprise, I’ve found something I’m both good at AND enjoy. Teaching’s always been at the back of my mind, I should have done it years ago really. I used to turn my bedroom into a classroom and arrange my action figures on to separate tables as a kid. Hulk Hogan and Obi-Wan were very disruptive students. Huh, “just”. 8 months later and I’m still looking for my first real teaching job. I’ve sent out loads of application forms and CVs but nothing. There is a recession on I suppose.

…I wonder if it’s too late to round up all the old uni photos of me?

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