Note to My Flatmate

I’ve left you the cash. I know it probably won’t cover it – your grandma’s vase looked like it was probably quite expensive – but I drained my bank account dry with that weekend in Vegas. And paying my bail.

Here are the keys as well. As I said, I don’t know what my ex did with your spare set. We’re not on speaking terms – not since I dumped him and he said he’d come round here and trash the place. But I expect he was just joking. Maybe change the locks anyway?

I hope you and your boyfriend manage to patch things up. I’m sorry I got the wrong room again – I always mix your bedroom up with the loo when I’ve had a few! I know that this was the first time I’ve done it while I’ve been naked though. And the first time you didn’t wake up in the nick of time and kick me out. But hey, urine’s sterile, so they say, and your boyfriend’s suitcase was seriously uncool – time he got a new one anyway. Hey, maybe you could use the cash I’ve left you to get him a new one?

Don’t forget to forward my post. Oh, unless you see anything from the Inland Revenue – just chuck it in the bin. Ooh, some good news: I know you used to get really annoyed at all those unsolicited letters offering you credit cards and loans and stuff but when I was sorting out some stuff for the court case the other day, it turns out this address is blacklisted for credit. Weird, eh? So now you won’t have to worry about getting any more of those!

I’m going to be a bit nomadic for a while, crashing with a few friends until I get some money sorted for my own place. I know it goes without saying that your door’s always open for me so, you never know, I’ll probably see you soon!

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Alex Jury

Alex Jury

Alex Jury is a retired cowgirl, now working as a copywriter in London. She loves working with words but misses all the lassoing.
Alex Jury

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