Several Short Excerpts From Bobs Big Book of High Altitude Gardening
From the Introduction
Hello there. Bob Gorsh is my name, and this notebook is going to be my summer project, because the wife says I need a summer project. I don’t know who might be reading this book, or whether the wife and I are still around, but if you’re still around and you’re reading this book, you’ll most likely need to know about high altitude gardening…
…The wife and I bought this property three years ago, before the clouds rolled in. We were up here when it happened, and I guess we decided to stay. It was a big change for me – I’d always had something of a green thumb, but the extreme altitude (8,100 feet!) presented a new set of challenges…
From Chapter 2
…Some bad years, your winter temperature might drop as low as minus 50. On the other end of the scale, your summer temperatures might climb up into the high 90s during the day. Remember, tomatoes won’t fruit below 50 degrees…
From Chapter 3
…The first thing you’ll notice is the quality of the air; that crisp, clear air that both chills and warms you at the same time. Then you’ll notice the light at sunset and dawn. I don’t know where you are, future reader of my book, but out here in the Rocky Mountains, the dawns are enough to make a grown man cry…
…Now, if you’re planting trees or perennials during summer will need constant watering through autumn, as they won’t be dormant yet…
From Chapter 6
…Your best bet is to start with an easy crop like lettuce, grown together with other vegetables. If you plant your rows just right, your pea plants (for examples) can give much-needed shade to your lettuce…
From Chapter 7
…If you’ve got a perimeter fence around your property (and I think maybe you do, if you’re still around and reading this book) then you’ll want to watch it very carefully for any break-ins. A tear in the fence could damage the electric current and seriously compromise your security. Do as I do and walk the length of your fence every day. Place large rocks around the bottom to stop the little ones crawling through…
…If they do get through, well, you’ve got a weapon of some kind, right? A shotgun, I hope. Those things are slow, and mostly dumb. But sometimes I think: I hope they never learn how to work together…
From Chapter 10
…For my new project, I’ve started landscaping out a flower garden…
…Planted the marigolds today. May I’ll add some bell cacti later. Did you know that our mountain is classed as a semi-arid region?…
…Sometimes I stand on the cliff’s edge next to my zen rock garden, and I just look out. I look out over the clouds. Those goddamn clouds that rolled in and covered everything, and killed everyone I ever knew. (Are they really dead? How do I know?) Sometimes I wonder if they made it out. If they got to higher ground, like the wife and I did (Thank God). I think about my little brother in Philly, and my Ma and Pa upstate, and smart old cousin Jesse in Boston. Sometimes I pray for them. But then I stop myself, and I knuckle down and try to focus on my gardening…
From Chapter 12
…A temporary greenhouse can be a good project for you to build. After my seedlings leave the house, I store them in my greenhouse until it’s time for planting season…
…It’s possible to grow many different kinds of peppers indoors…
From Chapter 15
…Here’s a good tip: Before you spend 6 months planning a strawberry patch, and raking it, and seeding it, and watering and tending to the goddamn strawberries, and serving them up to your wife for dinner, make sure your wife actually likes strawberries. Make sure your wife isn’t an ungrateful bitch who doesn’t care or appreciate how much work you do around this place…
…Shit. I don’t know why I’m arguing with a stupid notebook which nobody will ever read, instead of talking to my wife like a man. I should talk to her. God, I don’t know why I do anything anymore…
Chapter 16
…Some wildflowers you might find (in the Rocky Mountains, at least) are: senecio, sugarflower, toadflax, leatherflower, and indian paintbrush. (See attached sketches).
Chapter 18
…She’s gone. It has been 2 days and I cannot find her. She’s not in the house, or in the gardens, or in the orchard, or in the forest. There’s a break in the fence where she could have got out. Or they got in…
…I feel sick. I feel sick all the time…
…I keep looking out at the clouds, hoping to see her. She’s in the clouds. She’s down there in the clouds, laughing at me…
From Chapter 21
…I’m dying. I think I’m fucking dying. There’s no Bible up here, and I don’t think I ever had one. I looked everywhere – I’ve turned the house upside-down, searching. How am I supposed to pray without one? I don’t know what I’m doing…
From Chapter 22
…The trick with perennial onions is to water them every second day…
…I think the clouds are rising.
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