Tag Archives: 06/07/2008

"Two Grannies" by Douglas Noble

Applicant Remains and Advice on Disposal

The remains of applicants for cremation can be collected from the crematorium on the next working day following the cremation, by which time the ashes will be reduced sufficiently to be easily carried away. For larger applicants, or group cremations, further time should be left

"Two Grannies" by Douglas Noble

Two Treasure Tins

You learned to mark things early on, when you lived in the station. Write your name on things with a marker, put some kind of decal on it, whatever. Because all your neighbors were scavengers, and would see nothing wrong with lifting something while it

"Two Grannies" by Douglas Noble

88:88

Once there were two grannies with one beautiful granddaughter. Her name was Alyson, her hair was the colour of Gold Blend, and she sang Pink songs wherever she went. (Hearing an eight year-old screech, ‘Teachers dated me – my parents hated me’ or indeed, ‘Push

"Two Grannies" by Douglas Noble

The Biscuit Tin

She says that they are all coming back. But then, of course she does. If I was going for a prank like this, I’d go for broke with the scale, too – even though that’s ultimately what makes the thing so implausible. I mean, all

"Two Grannies" by Douglas Noble

New Granny

‘But we already have a Granny,’ the children wailed in tonal unison. ‘I know’, said their father, ‘but this one is better.’ ‘How?’ asked Anyetta, the eldest of the two. ‘This one can vacuum at the flick of a switch,’ the father said, plucking the

"Two Grannies" by Douglas Noble

Relics, or Tin Can Collection

Item 1: Hospital blanket, bloodied. Item 2: Lock of baby hair, blonde. Item 24: Favourite childhood toy (“Gah Bah”), small plush ‘Garfield’ doll. Eyes missing. Item 521: Homemade kite, retrieved from tree. String broken. Item 1401: First pet, ‘Woofy’. Kelpie-terrier cross. Brown fur. Deceased. Item