Influenced Over the Edge
“The men and women with hats made of aluminum foil stood with smug looks on their faces. The existence of aliens was finally realized, albeit on top of significantly more conspiracy theories. The alien ship left a hole in the ground by which the waters of the ocean began to empty into. With this came the destruction of shore areas falling into the sea, it was obvious the end of times was near. Our main character walks to the edge of what was once the shoreline and—”
“Pause right there,” the producer interrupted the writer.
“I’m sorry?”
“This sci-fi mumbo-jumbo is all well and good, but it doesn’t sell. We need something bigger.”
“Bigger? This is an alien-influenced natural disaster, what more is there?”
“Oh, Jerry, you are so young. The studio won’t buy this script. There’s something far worst than aliens and disaster. There’s something that every studio executive is looking for to make any movie more marketable: love.”
“Love?”
“Yes, Jerry, get your dumb fingers out of your ears and back on the typewriter. Love. Give me a love story inside this alien invasion or whatever.
“OK, well, then how about we focus on the scientist who located the ship and his—”
“Boring!”
“The Army General who—”
“Old!”
“A woman on the beach?”
“Perfect. We’ve got our main character worked out. Now she needs a love interest.”
“There’s still the scientist…”
“Get off it, Jerry, no one wants to see a grubby scientist love story.”
“What if the scientist is a woman? I mean, it’s archaic to assume that it’s—”
“Nope, too progressive, won’t get the backing. How about he’s a construction worker trying to fix the beach as it’s falling into the ocean.”
“I don’t know how that makes any sense, but—”
“Sense? You think they’re going to pay you millions for this hunk a junk because it makes sense?”
“Well, yeah.”
“You’re in the wrong business, kid. Anyway, we have our main character, our love interest, and now what every movie needs—”
“A common thread that is both comprehensive and cohesive enough to keep the viewer engaged?”
“What? No! A plot twist.”
“OK, sure. How about that the aliens were doing it to save Earth because—”
“And how exactly does this utilize our main characters?”
“I guess it doesn’t but—”
“Jerry! Enough. You’re lucky I’m here. Obviously this love interest, as we find out, killed the father of the main character.”
“Uh, what?”
“Don’t you feel goosebumps when you think about it?”
“I feel something.”
“Great. Now, She doesn’t know this of course, but she only finds out this because she’s at his bedside where he is dying of cancer.”
“Now that definitely won’t fit into this story, it doesn’t relate at all to the alien impact of the oceans draining.”
“Yeah… I’ve been meaning to talk to you about the whole alien part of this alien film. What would you say to centering it around a trained animal instead? I’m thinking a miniature pig. Pigs are scoring high with our test audiences. What do you say?”
“I say, ‘I quit.’”
J.P. Polewczak
Latest posts by J.P. Polewczak (see all)
- Where is Home? - 29/07/16
- Crammed - 15/07/16
- DEEP WI-FI - 09/07/16
- Influenced Over the Edge - 18/06/16
- Drop by Drop - 06/06/16
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