Everything is Fine
Everything is fine. We all have coffee – good coffee. The clients are smiling. For once, the AV is working. It’s a sunny day and the light is streaming through the windows in a way that makes us all look like we’ve just been on holiday and had Botox. Everything is fine.
I give my presentation and that’s fine too. My slides are good, my voice is steady, the jokes are received well. My right eyelid is doing that weird flickery thing eyelids do when they’re very tired and you worry it looks like you’re trying to wink sleazily at someone. But I am in control.
I steamed my suit in the shower first thing, stuck it on a hanger pranged into the top of the mirror, turned the hot tap right up and prayed the fag smells and red wine stains would be sluiced out. I think it worked.
The Q&A portion goes well, I am ON FIRE with my bullshit and I can see from their eyes that I have SOLD.
I can’t help myself. I can’t stop being smug. I have pulled this major pitch off hungover to buggery, with only two hours’ sleep, having shagged a colleague’s girlfriend at the work summer party last night. I thought I’d be fired today. I thought it would be the last straw – especially after all that stuff at Christmas. Jesus.
But I’m a winner. That’s why women want me, that’s why I get promoted. Yeah! That’s why my wife hasn’t left me.
And then, just as the CEO is shaking my hand and congratulating me with a twinkle in his eyes, I look down and notice that, all day, I’ve not been wearing shoes.
I have no bloody idea where I left them.