Recipe For the Perfect New Year’s Eve
1. Sink a shotglass of Jagermeister in a large glass of Red Bull.
2. Down.
3. Repeat 8 times.
4. Locate your mobile. Call the first 8 people in your address book, irrespective of both your relationship with them and global time zones. Tell them you love them.
5. Wear an item of glassware as a hat.
6. Fall horizontally into your mother-in-law’s trifle.
7. Remove an item of clothing.
8. Kiss 10 completely inappropriate people, completely inappropriately.
9. Find that person you had an argument with 2 years ago – you know, the one where you can’t really remember what happened exactly but you’ve always been a bit funny with each other ever since. Tell them everything’s fine – whatever it was, you’re over it now, it never mattered anyway and haven’t they got nice hair?
10. Find the only sober person in the room and talk to them in excruciating detail about your love life.
11. Insist you know a drinking game that will ensure everyone has the best night of their lives. Ignore the naysayers who claim a Baileys and red wine cocktail is a recipe for disaster and make them down it.
12. Phone the boss and leave a slurred voicemail telling him you’ve discovered yourself as a spiritual being and are no longer interested in being on his filthy payroll as a corporate slave. Oh and he’s your besht friend – treat him to a few verses of any Simply Red Song to show him exactly what you mean.
13. Happy New Year!
This is a repost of a piece that was originally posted back in December 2010. You can find it originally presented here, and you can see other writing from the same week here. We’ll be sharing Elephant Memories with you for the next few weeks, while we break for Christmas.
Alex Jury
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