There’s Only Room For One Alpha Male Around Here
Right ok, things look bad. Yes, indeedy, I’ll admit that. Very bad indeed. In the buff, tackle waving in the breeze, a furious hippo bellowing for my bollocks on toast.
The thing with me though, you see, is that I’m one of life’s eternal optimists. One of those annoying smiley, whistley types who just don’t let anything knock them down. I’m like a jolly human Weeble! Always looking on the bright side, always sees the best…the way out.
And there’s a way out here. No doubt about it. It’s just not obvious yet and, it’s true, it’s getting smaller by the stampeding second. I’m a bright lad though, it’ll come to me. The power of positive thought is very important.
That’s what I told people who said I shouldn’t come to this part of Africa by myself. Too rural, too lonely, too lacking in creature comforts (it’s true that this particular creature isn’t too comfortable – ha! Always a joke even in the worst situation, you’d have to laugh or you’d cry).
I showed them. This part of Africa is bloody lovely! So what if it’s not what I’m used to, like I say, I see the good in everything. Like the young lady who invited me ‘somewhere quiet’ to ‘talk’. Well, I could see from her face and the lascivious wink she gave me what she had in mind. What does a gorgeous young girl see in me? someone else might have asked themselves. Not me. No. She could see my good spirit shining through, that’s what it was. And she only took my clothes and wallet and stuff away to put them somewhere safe. It was really bad timing that this old hippo decided there was only room for one alpha male around here. The girl will be back any second with a tranquilizer gun – I’d bet my boots (if she hadn’t got them). That’s my way out.