Welcome to ChooseLife. You have, I can see, plenty of marketing literature. There are refreshments over there and, in a moment, I’m going to ask you all to make yourselves comfortable, relax and have a read. Hasty decisions are not our trademark. I encourage you to take your time in making your mind up. If you choose to walk away, of course that is absolutely fine. And, indeed, if you choose to walk away, but would like to return and change your mind, or simply ask questions and learn some more – that is absolutely fine too.
You’ve had the technology briefing. I assume that it provided a great deal of reassurance – our guys really know their stuff! – and that it answered any quesions you may have had. It is state-of-the-art technology. All of your needs will be catered for. Many of our technicians are ex-NASA; they have sent people to the moon and probes to Mars.
Each pod is monitored 24/7. You will be immaculately cared for, every need met, perfectly oxygenated air and feeding tubes with a perfect nutritional balance. In the unlikely event that you become unwell, our medical team is in attendance around the clock and your relatives will be immediately informed. The person you have nominated to have power of attorney will make any decisions about evacuating you from the pod. This is an exceptional circumstance and it has never been undertaken here at ChooseLife.
The next steps could not be more simple. Choose your payment plan, visit our legal team to put your affairs in order and then – here’s the exciting bit – make yourself comfortable in your very own custom pod! We’ll do the rest. Once you’re settled, just press the button.
Unconsciousness will start immediately and it will feel like a warm and blissful sleep. Your pleasure censors will be stimulated on a regular basis and your seratonin levels will be constantly optimum – in other words, you will be lying in your cosy pod, while other humans deal with the misery of every day life, boredom, arguments and the exhausting process of having emotions and dealing with negative human interactions, you will be lying prone and blissful.
It is not an irreversible decision. The process can be stopped and you can be fully rehabilitated within 14 days. But, of course, no one has ever come back.