“Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been 103 days since my last confession.”
“And to what sin would you like to confess?”
“Well, father, you see it’s like this. Ah, well…”
“Good ahead my child. The Lord is both merciful and forgiving.”
“OK then, well, in that case it’s to do with the gargoyles.”
“The gargoyles.”
“I suppose it is so. Mostly one of them mean looking fellas on the rooftop outside, just above the lovely stain glass of the Virgin Mary there.”
“Ah, I know it well. Go on with ya.”
“Anyway, little Seamus and I were taking a bit of a walk the other day and decided to have a look around the grounds. I was showing him all the beautiful windows, he really like those, but he was a little scared of the gargoyles there. So, anyway, to show him that were nothing there to be scared of I may have sort of thrown a little stone at the statue like.”
“Ah, don’t worry my child. Many things scare us but we must learn to master our fears in these situations.”
“OK there, you see but it wasn’t actually a stone, more like a rock.”
“Well, anyway, I thought you better know, your man there no longer has a head!”
“No head, it’s completely headless, I smashed it clean off. To be fair though it was a feckin good shot; it came off in one big piece and fell on the grass right next to us.”
“Alright there, it’s not the end of the world. Have you handed the head in?”
“Ah. Well. You see, that would have been the smart thing to do now, but Seamus and I just kind of panicked a bit there, you know. And we may have accidentally taken it home and buried in the garden now.”
“And why would you do that?”
“Well, as I said, it seemed like the only thing to do at the time.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake man. Have you got any idea how old those statues are? How many years they’ve… Oh, never mind. Just tell me you’ve bought back the head at least.”
“Now, here’s the thing.”
“Jesus, there’s a thing?”
“That there is father. To put it straight, the head is gone.”
“Gone! Gone! What do you mean by gone?”
“Just that father; gone, disappeared, not there. Now I went to dig it back up and it’s gone.”
“Are you sure?”
“I know this for sure father because I’ve dug up most the garden meself and there’s no trace of it anywhere. Now all this is very upsetting to young Seamus now. I mean he’s having all these nightmares, visions he says, about a headless gargoyle after his head in return. To tell you the truth I’m not sleeping to well either. It’s freaking me out. Can you tell me what I need to do to absolve my sin?.”
“Well there, let’s see, I suggest that in penance you buy the church another statue head.”
“Now are you thinking will that get the headless gargoyle off me back?”
“I’ve absolutely no idea. Now get out my box you bleedin eejit. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord”
“Right you are father. Thanks be to God.”

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Tim Waltho

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