Things That Happened When I Lived In Croydon

-Two police officers were attacked by a crowd of 30 people in the town centre, only a minute’s walk from the flat I was living in at the time. I remained unaware of this incident until two days later, when I saw two tv reporters filming in the high street.

-While walking to Morrison’s on my lunch break I received a text message from a friend. It said that he had just seen John Cleese naked.

-I was fired from my job, but the money I had managed to put aside in the previous months, together with a large tax rebate I had just received, meant that I didn’t need to worry about looking for another job until five months later.

-My Chinese flatmate, who was also my landlord, started working from home, which meant he was always in the flat, usually in the living room working on his laptop. After a couple of months he hired an assistant, another Chinese man. Sometimes he would go out, leaving the assistant working on his own, and I wouldn’t realise anyone was there until I walked through the living room to get to the kitchen.

-I moved in at the beginning of December. My Chinese flatmate went to Switzerland for Christmas so I had the flat to myself. I forgot to do any shopping and spent Christmas Day eating instant porridge as it was the only food we had in.

-At some point during the year I started writing for Elephant Words for the first time.

-My passport expired so I applied for a new one. Two weeks after I got it I lost it and had to get it replaced.

-I probably got drunk a few times.

-In the five months when I wasn’t working, I went to Amsterdam for the opening night of an exhibition of work by manga artist Shintaro Kago. While there I met an American who told me that he had once shaken hands with Martin Luther King.

-After a night out I fell asleep on the train home and ended up at Gatwick airport.

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