I awoke again to the distant sound of screaming; it’s sound fading, dampened by the cold thick whitewashed walls around here, wherever here is. I can’t hear it yet, but I know he is going to pass me soon, locked up in this windowless cell there is nothing I can do about that, but it still scares me shitless.
He may take a look through that hatch in the door, I wonder if I’ll have the balls to look back this time, or perhaps that is why I’m still here, whilst others in other rooms have fallen silent, for now. Perhaps he wants the ones that look at him, perhaps I make him angry when I do refuse to look, I don’t fucking know anymore.
The stress must have made me faint, I had the strangest dream, I think I missed him, I can’t…
He looks fat from behind, sitting there putting his face on.
“I like this bit best, you know putting on the white, it’s ritual, a changing of persona”
He almost whispers it and he smiles at end, you can hear it. When he shifts in his chair, I can see his face in the mirror, fat, balding, white. All except his nose which is painted red, like fucking Coco the fuckin clown, I think to myself, or I hope I just thought it.
“Once I’m all done here, I’ll be a different man, what goes on, down there.”
His eyes quickly flit towards the floor, or my feet, I don’t know which, and he pauses to look at me, he holds my gaze for a second and nods.
“Has no place up here.”
I fade in and out again. When my eye flit open, I can smell him, the paint on his face, the sweat, and the faintest of metallic tangs that must be blood. There he is behind me, pulling me backwards, arms wrapped around my chest, man this guy is strong.
He puts me back into a chair, and takes his seat to resume his makeup.
“It’s for the kids, I work at kids parties. You probably won’t understand that, but as I say, once this makeup goes on then I change.”
He turns to face me and smiles as he points to his mouth.
“You see? No mouth yet, this is still the real me talking.”
I can’t help but wonder how many persona’s you have, I think or say or burble, but he can read minds or my words are more coherent than I think, because he laughes.
“Well since you ask it’s three that I know about. Good me, clown me, and normal me, we all share a name, it’s Jimmy, you are talking to normal Jimmy”
He laughs again.
“First comes me, then comes clown face, then boring old goody twoshoes shows up, that is until I can talk him into letting me have a go.”
Fuck, I just pissed myself.
“Don’t be scared now, clownface helps calm me down, which is why I’m talking to you I guess, and clowny took an interest in you. You never looked at me and he wanted to know why. I told him you were scared shit-less, I guess I was correct huh. No no don’t be scared, I’m going to keep you around for a while yet, you have eyes like my dad.”