“The car has gone. The fuckin’ bailiffs have taken it.”

“Run that by me again…who has the car?”

“The bailiffs!”

“What bailiffs? Jay you’re making no fuckin’ sense. Where’s the car?”

“I told you, the bailiff’s came and took it. It’s in the pound. I got back from town earlier and they’d left a fuckin’ note. Un-fuckin-believable. Bastards!”

“Why are bailiffs taking the fuckin’ car in the first place?”

“I haven’t been paying my council tax and…”

“…YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKIN’ KIDDING ME! When I specifically asked you if there was anything I needed to know, you didn’t think that this might be something that I would need to know?”

“What? Council tax?”

“Tell me that you did some house keeping before you went out.”

“I was gonna do it when I got back…”

“So what you’re fuckin’ telling me is the rubbish still needs taking out?”


“You’d better hope that the bailiffs don’t get nosey. Jay you need to fuckin’ sort this.”

“Have you looked over the car…opened the boot or anything like that?”

“No Mr Wallis. Are you able to negotiate a payment arrangement otherwise we will arrange to have the car sold so as to offset some of your arrears.”

“Sold! I’d rather you didn’t…that car means a lot to me…sentimental value, you know? How much do I owe?”

“As of today you owe two thousand, three hundred and seventy two pounds.”

“What? Jesus christ…OK, don’t do anything yet. I’ll call in a few favours and get back to you within the hour…and, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t let anybody mess with the car…”

” I can get the car back today, but it’s gonna cost three thou…”

” Three grand! For fuck sake Jay…death and taxes! I’ll get the money to you but you are gonna owe me for a long fuckin’ time and I’m telling ya now, if they’ve found anything…I’ll have your balls made into a pair of furry fuckin’ dice you prick. As soon as you get that car back get IT sorted, do you understand me? Oh and Jay set up a fuckin’ direct debit on your account…it’s the small things that’ll trip you up and at this rate you’re heading for a big fuckin’ fall. Belt and braces Jay, belt and braces.”

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Amanda Bird

Amanda Bird

Amanda has always thought of herself as an armchair traveller, and since early childhood books and stories have provided the portal to other worlds. Her love of reading sparked a passion for writing and she has been writing stories since... a very long time ago! She now lives in Hove, and the view allows space for her imagination to roam.
Amanda Bird

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