When I was growing up my mum and dad were always cuddling, kissing, touching each other.  They shared looks, held hands all of the time when they were out and about, and for a while I thought dad had a tick in his right eye, it wasn’t he was merely winking at mother.  These are, or so I deduced as I grew into adulthood, all signs of a loving relationship.

Yes they truely loved one and other, so much so that mum barely lasted a week after dad’s death.  It’s true, people can and do die of broken hearts.  It was sorrowful to see, harrowing in its own way; she was inconsolable, and then she too was gone, it’s like she just gave up.

I wanted  some of that, I guess, I always have, it never really happened though.  Ohh I tried you know, I dated, I even shacked up with a couple of women, but alas I never got married.  I got near to it though, once or twice.

The first was Mary Sheppard.  Ahhh Mary, I wonder where she is now, probably dead.  I met her when I  worked for the Post Office, hah you know, when we had a post office. It was my second day there, and she kinda caught my eye.  Taller then me, blonde, legs up to here, gorgeous she was.  Anyway after a week or so staring at her waiting in the lunch queue, I approached her and tried my luck.

Well blow me, she didn’t turn me down and eventually we ended up together.  Yeah three years we lasted, until I turned 22, I asked her to marry me you know, I think that was what scared her off.  Fucking hell, the look on her face when I popped the question, aghast is the word I would use, heh or maybe two more words for you, shit scared.  We were too young, she was right about that, and that was Mandy.

Your mum was the next one, but that was years later.  After you was born, as you know she soon got bored and fucked off.

Bah, but anyway that’s not what I want to talk about son.  Listen now, it’s my time soon, I have had a reasonable life and can’t really complain, but I wish love had found me.  Ohh not like parent and child, not like I had with my mum and dad and the love you and I share.

 I mean the proper full blown stuff.  Now I know you are atheist, so let me put it this way.  Whether you believe love to be a happening in the chemical electrical soup that we call our brains, and evolved so that we can more easily procreate or whether you say it is a God given gift, love is a powerful thing indeed worth fighting for, worth dying for, we humans are obsessed with it, I mean just look at our art.

So before I go son, I just wanted to give you one last piece of advice, find love, be loved and love back, don’t end up like me, on the scrapheap.

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Lee Douglas

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