Parking Up

I loved my mum, she was a dotty old cow at times though.

I remember this one time, right, I must have been ohhh eight or nine years old.  It was a Wednesday, I remember that even now, because it was half term and she wanted to get the shopping done before the Saturday rush.

“We’ll nip in quick like, beat those mugs who do the shopping Saturday hey boy”

“Yep mum”

“Mu-uum”

“Yes son?”

“What’s a mug?”

She laughed at that, a proper belly laugh, she used to snort at the end of each laugh, which always made me giggle.

“You know, like a muppet”

“What you mean like Fozzie Bear”

“Hah hah, no boy more like Beaker!”

She almost pissed herself at her own joke, but I didn’t get it, not back then anyway.

 

So there we were, the two of us driving to the shops just chewing the fat and giggling like… Well like children.

We got there soon enough, and both of us in a happy mood, but then it come time to park up.

Mum’s plan hadn’t worked, the car park was chock full of motors.

 

“Ohh dear”

She said, although she didn’t quite use those words.

“Ohh mum look there’s a space.

 

She looked around a bit  then her gaze focused and she spotted where my finger was pointing.  She pulled forward a little, just past the gap between a red mini and a post office van.

She hated parking did my mum, hated it with a passion.  Dad always said,

‘Woman drivers are in fact better drivers than men,  they just can’t park.’

You know, he laughed at his own jokes too.

 

I always knew when my mother was concentrating, yep she sticks the tip of her tongue out of the corner of her mouth.  She did it then, and then she started to mutter to herself.

“Your bloody father”

She said, although I may as well stress right now that my mum didn’t know any mild swear words.

She continued slowly forward, and then started to reverse whilst turning the steering wheel; she didn’t get it quite right that time, in fact she didn’t get it quite right the next, or the one after that.

 

Look, it took her twelve times okay, and yes she did get red scratches down both sides of the motor.

When we got home she said these words, and I swear, these are the actual words she used, to my dad.

“Darling, you know you’ve always wanted go faster strips.

“Umm yeah?”

“Well I went out and got y0u some today”

“Ohh yeah, what colour?”

“Errr Post Office Red.”

 

Now that made me laugh.

 

Anyway, my name is Dave Woogle, founder and MD of Woogle the worlds best internet search engine, and that is the true story of how I came up with the idea of our latest innovation, ladies and gentlemen I present to you The Woogle Car!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Lee Douglas

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