The Buddha Of Friday Night’s

Come on, come on, ten minutes to go then beer O clock.

David was clock watching again, Friday evening, work almost done, a mere ten minutes left. Quickly rattle off the last couple of paragraphs of this damn report and then he’s gone, woo-hoo Friday night, time to drink!

John and Marty will be on their way already. The fuckers finish at five and here he was feeling like the lone ranger, last one in the in the office, putting the finishing touches on this bloody thing, ‘Traffic Flow At Peak Times Clockwise Round The M25’. Boring, boring boring!

Down at the Anchor, well the full name of the pub is ‘We Anchor In Hope’, but you know, ‘The Anchor’.  It was not the best pub in town, but cheap enough, yeah cheap enough for London, four pounds fucking fifty for a pint, fucking Tories; ahh but not in the Anchor though, nope a snip at three pounds and ninety-nine pence!

That’s it all done, file saved, emailed to the fucking boss, his boss cc’d in, computer off, coat on, light off, and what is this? A smile, the Friday night smile of the drinking Londoner.

Anyway as I was saying, down at the anchor, Marty as always, was first to the bar as John walked in.

“Yo John, usual mate?”

“Hey Mart, umm you buying? Naaa I’ll have a JD and coke mate!”

“Hahah you little fucker”

As John walks up to the bar to greet his friend, Mandy the barmaid turns her attention to John.

“Evening John, usual?”

“Yeah for me please love, that wanker will have a JD an coke, make that a double yeah”

“Oi fuck face, I heard that!”

“Well J me old darlin’, you were meant to”

John and Marty, exchange a quick hand shake, and both automatically tilt their heads to get a clear view of Mandy’s backside as she turns to get the  drinks, they share a glance at each other and John slightly raises one eyebrow, in the traditional male show of appreciation for the beauty of the female form.

The drinks soon come and both men cease their adolescent gawping, pay up and retire to their table of choice.

“So man, hows things?”

“Ohh not to bad John, work is work innit, you?”

“Same old same old mate, got some holiday coming up soon though, been thinking of taking the family to Florida for a couple of weeks.”

“Yeah nice man, why Florida?”

“Ohh I got a mate out there, you know like an online buddy sort of thing, known him for about ten years now but never met the fella, he likes a beer or two and is a decent chap, so why not huh”

“Fair do’s mate, oi oi Dave you old knobber!”

David walks in, smiling from ear to ear, ohh yes he has that Friday night feeling alright, work is finished for the week, and all is fine with the world.

“Chaps, you okay for drinks I see, I’ll get me own then shall I?”

Once again eyebrows are raised all around, hands shook and shoulders patted as David stands behind the seated Marty.

“Naaa man here, take this and get yourself one”

“Marty old bean, you are a true gent, and don’t let any fucker tell you otherwise.”

“Yeah fuck off you cunt, and bring some crisps back”

All three men smile now, banter flowing, and David slowly ambles off towards the bar, where he soon orders a pint of porter and three packs of assorted crisps.

When he gets back the two men are engaged in a to-and-fro about religion.

“Naaa man, there is no best religion, all of them are a crock of shit”

“Ohh come off it Mart, you used to be Christian didn’t you”

“Ohh no no no, I was christened, yeah that is true, but it’s like a parents paying lip service to the church type of deal innit, it was the done thing. I mean I never went to Sunday school like you did you old fucker”

“True I did go to Sunday school, but that was so the old fogies could go down the pub on a Sunday morning innit!”


“What you ladies harping on about then, religion?”

“Yeah smarty pants here wants to go all highbrow on us and asked, what is the best religion”

“Come on Mart, I just asked an adult question, I mean you are an adult aint’cha?”

“Boys, boys I can sort this one, it’s Buddhism”

Both men looked questioningly up at David now.

“How so”

Asked John.

“Well basically because if the Buddha was alive now you know he’d be a rocker yeah, and any religion where the head is a rocker must be the best yeah?”


“How so man, I mean why would he be a rocker?”

David sat down with his beer and slung the crisps on the table, a light lit up in his eyes and a mischievous grin made the corners of his mouth turn upwards.

“Simple lads, the Buddha would would be a Napalm Death fan innit”


“What you talking about Willis?”


Waiting just a beat David asked.

“What is the Buddha’s favourite song?”

“I don’t know”

“How the fuck should I know”


“You suffer… but why!”


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Lee Douglas

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