Hussys & Homosexuals

It was almost time for period two and the corridors were starting to fill up. The conscientious few were heading to their classes but the majority were just aimlessly wandering about in their packs. The few students on their own had their heads down and their eyes glued to any number of gadgets. It wasn’t uncommon to see some kid or other walk into a door, or to walk into the back of one of them as they stopped suddenly to answer a text message. Luckily, Del was much taller than the majority of students and could get through the crowds easier than most.

As he made his way to M47, Del smirked at the thought that any sudden noise might spook the masses and start a stampede. The corridors were full of electronic noise, multi-coloured sports shoes and teenagers hugging each other goodbye as if they’d see each other in 90 years rather than 90 minutes. The talk around him was so abbreviated, Americanised and incoherent he’d given up trying to decipher it a long time ago. A lot of the students had hair a shade he’d heard referred to as “Florence Welch red”. They all looked exactly the same, it was as if he was stuck in the chase scene of an old Tom & Jerry cartoon with the same background whizzing by. He was a pretty liberal guy but even he had to admit that the girls looked like hussys and the boys like shameless homosexuals.

In lessons, most of them were too afraid of embarrassing themselves to join in discussions. Well that or too busy texting. It was cool to be apathetic, disaffected and not have an interest beyond yourself, your friends and the next party. And yet they all thought they were heading off to the ultimate party; uni. Some of the things he overheard them talking about him and his colleagues hadn’t dreamed of doing until they had been safely at uni! None of these kids were likely to reach their 30’s. At least not without a couple of kids, a drugs habit and a pickled liver.

Del himself was a Media and Film Studies teacher. He had a great love of old films and even older music. His Morrissey quiff was his pride and joy but if he had to explain to one more group that it had nothing to do with Elvis he was going to go nuts. A lot of the kids in his classes wore band T-shirts but clearly knew nothing about them. Del had tried to engage with some of them but after the first couple of blank stares, he just amused himself by making shit up and enjoying the rubbish he was offered back. In fact, it was surprising how much of his day was spent taking the piss and amusing himself.

Yet Del loved his job.

It had dawned on him awhile back that his college teachers had taken the piss out of him and his friends too. And Del was fairly sure that some of them did have Elvis quiffs. They’d certainly tried to push their lame jokes, music and films on them. He’d made it through his ignorant, awkward, awful stage – so there must be hope for all of these infuriating idiots too.

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