Laztech

Do you ever feel that there simply isn’t enough time to get everything done? That life is passing you by? That your existence-span is just too short? I know I did!

Well now there’s no need to worry about inconsequential matters like ‘time,’ or ‘death’ or ‘burial’ because here at Laztech industries we pride ourselves on being able to comfortably and affordably preserve the longevity of your unique life experience.

So, for just five ninety-nine, nine ninety-nine, you can now own the latest in hibernation stasis technology right in the comfort of your own home. Yes, that’s right folks, our patented chryo-chambers (the result of years of research and expertise by our world-famous stasis scientists) are now at sale-price with a National Standards Agency guarantee of up to two hundred years of quality deep-freeze storage for yourself and your loved ones.

Each chamber comes with a comfortable reclining capsule, a satellite controlled timer and temperature adjustor and a customizable message board, so the whole family can know how long grandpa is ‘chilling out’ for, or grandma is ‘stasising in.’ You can choose from over five stylish colours, and you will also receive a free Laztech biro and clipboard with each purchase – handy for charting that exciting new journey into the ‘over-life.’

Chambers also now come in new king and family-size options for those who wish to cross the threshold of immortality together. So don’t delay, give death the two fingers today and choose your future – choose Laztech

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Tim Waltho

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