Five years

“So, wait. HP Sauce? You got me HP Sauce?”

“Yeah! I know how much you like it, and I thought…”

“Let me get my head around this. You got me HP Sauce. For our anniversary.”

“Well, I… yeah. It’s, you know, it’s something that represents my country. Did you know that HP stands for “Houses of Parliament”, because they used to serve it at a restaurant there? Isn’t that a weird little tidbit to name your product after? I think it says something about who I am, and it’s, well, it’s kind of funny!”

“Funny.”

“Yeah!”

“So, according to your logic, I should have, what, got you a tub of tzatziki or something?”

“Well, OK, now you’re being silly.”

“No, seriously, maybe I ought to go down to Sainsbury’s and buy you some Greek yogurt or something. You know, it probably says something about who I am, and my country and all that. It says, I don’t know, that we’re all creamy and white and tasty people, and we go well with fruit.”

“Jesus, will you calm down? I just wanted to…”

“No, as a matter of fact, I won’t calm down. We’ve been together for exactly five years, we’ve gone through thick and thin together, we’ve tried hard to make this work, and you go and get me HP Sauce for our bloody five-year anniversary! And to think I’ve been saving all this time to get you that iPad…”

“You got me an iPad?!”

“Yes, and those things are bloody expensive! And here you are, talking to me about how funny it is and how it represents your…”

“I love an iPad!”

“I know you do! And what do I get in return? I get HP Sauce.”

“Well yeah, that and oh, I don’t know, my love and devotion for the past five years!”

“That’s not the point, and don’t you try to turn this around on me.”

“Okay. You want to know why I got you HP Sauce? Do you remember five years ago this day, in Rhodes, when you took me to that restaurant?”

“What does that have to…”

“Do you remember we had roast lamb chops, and I’d never tried them before, and I thought they smelled bad, and you were making fun of me? And then I joked about how they were all right, but what would make them perfect was some…?”

“…”

“Well?”

“… Some HP Sauce.”

“And then you got up, and you told me not to move, and you disappeared for almost forty minutes, and the food got cold and the waiter kept asking if I was all right, but then there you were, holding a bottle of…?”

“… Of HP Sauce.”

“And you were laughing, and I didn’t know whether to laugh or hug you, or shout at you, but then I told you that was the sweetest thing anyone had done for me.”

“…”

“And that’s why I went and got you HP Sauce for our anniversary.”

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, you can give me a kiss. And my new iPad. And you’ll need to work on your memory, if we’re going to be together for another five years.”

“I probably do, yeah.”

“I’ll tell you what, though; it’s a good thing you didn’t get me any tzatziki. I really hate tzatziki.”

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Michael Tegos

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