Ladies and gentlemen of the board, we have a new message.
Please allow me to explain. In the past, our company has been about maximising profits, expanding our business overseas, improving efficiency by outsourcing our core workforce to developing economies, and saving unthinkable amounts of money through lowering wages and ignoring every environmental regulation that’s been thrown at us, as well as manipulating our government into reducing our taxes to a pittance. We have successfully created a constant production line through overseas factories that churn out our products at breathtaking speed by employing millions and millions of workers who practically live inside our plants.
All that, ladies and gentlemen, is in the past.
Our new message is, we can be different. We can change the way we do things. We will push harder into bringing back the jobs we sent off out of the country. Oh, sure, we’ll have to pay them considerably more money, but think of all the good this will do for our local society.
Please, don’t look so confused.
Furthermore, we will comply with all environmental regulations, and do our best to reduce all harmful elements produced by our plants and complexes. Yes, it will be expensive, and we will have to re-structure many important parts of our process, but the legacy we leave to our children, that of a healthy, stable environment, is surely worth any expense, don’t you agree?
Please, let me finish. We will begin to acknowledge that we are a force to be reckoned with for our country’s economy; we shall demand to pay our taxes as obliged by law, and as is fair. It is my strong belief that, in this way, we will help inspire a sense of fairness and justice in our country. We will show our countrymen we are all in this together, and our success will be our economy’s success.
Ladies and gentlemen of the board, please. Try to remain calm. I told you, we have a new message. Truly.
The machine told me so last night.