The Whole Thing Will Be Awesome

“I will. I can. It will be. I will be. The whole thing will be fucking awesome.”

hooh. hooh. hooh. hooh.

Your breathing will be sharp and tense and you’ll try to rein in your un-focused stare.


The walls of the toilet will probably be covered in graffiti. Your brain will begin to pull the meaning from the words. Some will make sense. Some won’t. Some will seem funny or silly. Allow yourself a smile at those. Ignore the negative ones.

hooooooh… hooooooh…

That’s it. You’ll be able to take deeper breaths now. You must count your heartbeats. And on every ninth beat, you will take a breath.

You will sit in as comfortable position as you can manage. You will focus on a part of the door, and although your gaze will remain in focus, you will no longer pay attention to what any of the writing says.

That’s much better. Well done.

Now. More calmly you will say it again. Go on again, for me…

“I will. I can. It will be. I will be. The whole thing will be fucking awesome.”

What else?

“The band are excellent. Everybody knows what they’re doing. Mistakes are unimportant. Technical problems are surmountable. The whole thing will be fucking awesome.”


“The audience are there to support us. They are here to have a good night. They want to dance and sing along and tap their feet and smile. They are fucking awesome.”


That’s good. And in… And out again…

How are you going to feel?

“I will be good at this, because I am good at this. We are great and together we are going to give a great performance. Everybody will enjoy themselves. It will be fucking awesome.”


Any amendments to that?

“I will not feel the need to swear on stage. I will be articulate. I am smart and witty. I am a great singer with a amazing band. I am composed. The whole thing will be awesome.”

“Am I allowed to have a couple of whiskies before I go on?”

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Often musician, sometime projectbloke, occasional table, sporadic writer, serial traveler, irregular designer, internet addict with OCLD.

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