The gateway to the Underworld is in the basement of a factory building on an unremarkable street in the suburbs just above Wan-Chai and just below The Peak. Well, I say ‘the’ gateway, but that’s a linguistic fallacy of course. There isn’t just one gateway- can you imagine the queues? No, they have one in most countries- two in places with really dense population. Did you know that London by itself needs to have two? Or that the one in New Zealand is just at the top of 1000-mile beach? But I’m getting distracted. The one in Hong Kong is the closest one.
It’s easy enough to reach. It’s not guarded. Well, it’s guarded against the living, but that hardly need concern…um. So. The gateway. You enter through the door with the graffiti of the water dragon, and then go down a flight of, admittedly quite grubby, stairs. I have to say the state of the place is distinctly lacklustre- would it kill them to hire a cleaner? Oh. Sorry, that was in rather poor taste, wasn’t it? They’re already dead, and… and I’m digressing again. Once you’re down the stairs, you turn right, then left, then right again. You’ll know the gateway when you see it. I can’t explain how, you just will. Because of the mystical energy, and the carvings on the wall and doors that emanate after-life-y-ness. BECAUSE YOU WILL, OK?
Well, I can see how you would be concerned about the guards. Yes, indeed I can. But, well…as I said, it’s guarded against the living. I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but that’s really not something you have to concern yourself with. I did rather think that someone would have told you already, since you clearly haven’t noticed it yourself. But onwards and upwards, eh? I’ve had a look at the records, and it does point towards upwards- though of course I’m not guaranteeing it. What do you mean, why not? You think the living have the monopoly on lawsuits? With all these spirits with nothing BUT time to litigate? Honestly, you really haven’t given it much thought, have you?
Now, here’s the directions to get there. Yes, I know, it’s an excellent service- if there’s one thing we in the afterlife are famous for, it’s our efficiency. That and, you know, the afterlife. Oh, you would, would you? Well, the best way to find out about it is to follow the directions on that piece of paper. Yes, I’m terribly sorry for your loss, but if you would just follow the directions I’d be most grateful… now, sir, there’s no need for that attitude. But now you come to mention it, yes, I am trying to get rid of you- I’m trying to help you pass on to your eternal rest, sir. That’s my job. Besides, there’s a queue forming behind you, you see. Nothing worse than an angry, restless spirit. I don’t want to be responsible for another poltergeist.
Thank you sir. Have a nice eternity.