The Calm Before the Storm
It’s strange being here before everyone’s arrived and the place is full to the rafters with noise. There’s an anxious hush and lots of people scurrying around swigging coffee and panicking about all the vital things they forgot to bring with them.
It’s the first day of the expo so everything is still nice and clean, no piles of rubbish and it all looks rather shiny and smart. I went over for a closer look at one of the stands but the man running it just sort of shooed me away, very rude.
Things should be getting going any minute now – there’s a queue of suited and booted types lining up outside the entrance. As I wait for the stampede to begin, I spot the man who was so rude to me earlier. He’s shouting at one of his minions, red-faced and sweaty, making quite a scene and breaking the peace I’ve been enjoying. He bellows something and starts walking away from the stand, towards me. I think about it, but only for a second, because I know I won’t get the opportunity again. Timing is everything but I’m a well-practised expert and, as he stomps under the pipe where I’ve made my perch, I release a glorious torrent of finest guano. Tell me, wouldn’t you have done the same?