The Man, The Legend, The Axe

It’s often been said that you can tell a lot about a man, just by how he sleeps. That’s certainly true of Tim.

Tim sleeps with an axe.

Not under his bed. Nor his pillow. He clutches it in his hairy fists and when his dreams cause him to twitch, the axe jerks too.

It’s often difficult to hold him, while we lie together in bed. Obviously, it doesn’t work the other way around – both of his hands are otherwise engaged. Although there was one time when the shaft of his axe slipped out of his left (at least I think it was his left) hand long enough for me to roll in and snuggle before he could reconnect. We stayed like that until morning: man, woman and axe bound together as tight as can be.

His beard tickled my nose.

Normally I wait until he has fallen asleep before climbing in behind him. He is unpredictable and does not have a favourite side of the bed. Behind him, because I prefer to feel the warmth of his back to the cold blade of his sharpened axe. If he rolls over in the middle of the night, which he has done in the past, it is often best to get out of the bed completely until he has resettled.

But all of this is stuff you will learn. Just don’t be scared when you see the axe. And don’t ask him why he holds it so tightly in bed.

He won’t like that.

I hope you are both very happy together.

(Tim’s ex-girlfriend)

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