The Hangover
Bacon.
Give me bacon.
Hash browns. Sausages. Fried eggs. Toast. Mushrooms. Tomato. And bacon. More bacon. As much bacon as you can possible get on the plate. Bring a side plate if totally necessary. I don’t care. Spinach, too, yes, just a little, but not too much. If I eat too much I’m going to think about the consistency of it and that’s going to make me nauseous, and none of us want that at this point.
Not coffee. No coffee. Maybe some mineral water? No, better make that still water.
Dry toast first, please.
Tomato juice. Yes. Oh my God, I hope I didn’t say what I think I said last night. Or at least, I hope no one remembers. Salt. Pepper. No, no pepper. Salt. Lots of salt.
Gatorade! That’s it! Lots and lots of Gatorade. Rehydrate me. Flood my damaged cells with water and electrolytes and amino acids. B-vitamins. Can I get a shake, or something? Some kind of apple, berry, tomato, banana, mango, grape, orange, lemon, shake? And bacon. Throw some bacon in there too. I don’t care. I just want bacon. I need it.
My head really hurts. Please have sympathy on me. I’d have sympathy for you in this situation.
Sunlight. Problem. Sunglasses. Better.
Wheatgrass. Spirulina. It’s totally worth a shot.
This is horrible. This is truly horrible. I have never felt worse in my life.
I am never drinking again. I know, I know, I’ve said that before. I don’t care. This time I mean it. Maybe a couple of wines, or something, or a casual beer or two, but no. This is ridiculous. Why didn’t I learn in high school?
More bacon.
I just need to get this food down. Get my salt back. Hydrate. Repeat. I’ll feel fine tomorrow. Oh, God, why?
How much did I tip the cab driver last night? I thought I had more money than this in my wallet. I don’t care. You know what? I don’t care.
Jesus, that was a bad night’s sleep.
More bacon.
georgelondon
Finally a glimpse of the famous Smithson humour! Nice work fella.
Reply
Rivka Jacobs
Okay, this must have been the worst hangover in the world! All that food and bacon was making *me* queasy, too.
Really fun, almost sounded like patter.We could set it to music. Really enjoyed the first-person, stream-of-consciousness structure, too.
The main thing that struck me was, that sad refrain we all say to ourselves when we’ve overindulged and made ourselves sick, we’ll never do it again. Yeah, right. :)
Well done, Simon, very nice!
Reply
Simon Smithson
Thanks guys – it wasn’t too hard (unfortunately) to tap into the spirit of the piece when I dredged up some memories…
Reply
georgelondon
Did you stop mid-flow and make sure you had brown sauce and bacon?
Reply