Rivka: thanks! That juxtaposition of belonging and loneliness was something I was hoping would come through.

Beautifully written, I also got the feeling (like George again) that it’s almost cinematic. One can feel the camera panning, hear the narrator’s voice.

The best part for me was the sense of humanity, and the subtle exploration as to why, psychologically speaking, such establishments exist in the first place. The people, the sense of community, the sense of belonging in a world that can be alienating and lonely.

The narrator almost, very subtly, stood outside the neighborhood he described, as if looking in but not being a part of it, communicating this to the reader. So when you take the reader into the the bar at the end, the reader is struck strongly by the social, the convivial, the idea of this being an island of belonging

Which sounds really pretentious, now that I read it back. What I’m trying to say is I liked it!

I’ll see if I can get Michael C. Hall… I like his narration a lot.

I really like the way this reads like the introduction to some bigger story – it feels quite cinematic to me actually; in spite of its very modern references, something Noir… I hear Richard Burton or James Earl Jones narrating the opening shots, helping set the tone of something at odds with what we’re seeing…

Great start Simon. Looking forward to the rest!