Home
“Well, this is it.”
“This is home?”
“Yup.”
“Hmm.”
“Yeah.”
“Well…”
“Thanks for driving.”
“Thanks for coming out.”
“No, thank you.”
“No, no, thank you.”
“Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou. I win. So there.”
“I am thanked.”
“Thankfully.”
“Thoroughly thanked.”
“Yes.”
“So. I guess I should go.”
“Good night then.”
“Good night.”
He gives a little half smile and a wave before slipping behind the wheel of his car. I open the door to my little apartment and let the cats out, then step out of my shoes as I cross the threshold, sprawl out on my bed and pluck the phone from my pocket. Speed dial 3.
“Hello?”
“Hey you.”
“Hey you.”
“It’s me.”
“Is it?”
“It sure is.”
“Are you certain?”
“I couldn’t possibly be certainer.”
“Well I’m glad we got that cleared up.”
“I feel better already.”
“Good. That’s important.”
“What are you up to tonight?”
“Oh, I don’t know. What about you?”
“Nuthin’.”
“Nothing?”
“No plans for anything. I’m home.”
“Home, huh?”
“I sure am.”
Rivka Jacobs
Now this little piece is nifty. If she is talking to the same guy who dropped her off, the story means one thing. If she is talking to another guy, after saying goodnight to the first guy who dropped her off home, the story takes on a whole new meaning!
I love the structure, how you separate the two streams of dialog by a short descriptive paragraph.
If this is the same couple who we’ve been following in stories here, then I’m wondering what’s going on! Given the way the two of them have interacted before — with honesty but a little meanness and a lot of self-effacing humor (and sometimes satiric humor too), I like to think that the guy on speed-dial 3 is actually the guy who dropped her off in the first place. This would fit this couple’s style.
Good job!
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Cynthia Lugo
In my imagination, this is the girl from the “All Talk No Action” couple trying to date someone new and not being especially successful at it. No matter the problems in their no-longer-a-relationship, it’s with the first boy that she feels at home, which she calls and (sort of) tells him after the date. I’ve had a hard time coming up with stuff to write these past few weeks, and an even harder time getting it across!
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Rivka Jacobs
I think you got it across okay! I knew exactly who the girl was, I just didn’t know if the date was the new guy, or not. But if I’d read it more carefully, I could have seen that the banter and interplay between the girl and her date were different from the way she interacts with her longtime and difficult boyfriend.
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Nicolas Papaconstantinou
Hey, Cyn… long time after the fact, but I think you got that across just fine! I can’t help but feel a little sorry for the guy in the car, but, you know, if you’re the walk-on guest-star, that’s all you’re ever going to be.
Great stuff… your work with dialogue is always delightful!
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