Carry You Offin
The first thing Carlisle thought when he met the big man was that he looked like the kind of guy in a soap opera who used to be a criminal, but is now trying to become a legitimate businessman. He looked more Eastenders than Hollyoaks, but his dialogue was unconvincing.
The second thing Carlisle thought, as the man lifted him off his feet and into the open air with an easy shove, was of all the different ways that he wasn’t Antonio Banderas. He wasn’t specifically thinking of Banderas, truth be told. He was thinking about all of the different ways that he wasn’t every person in a movie who ever got chucked down a set of stone steps. It was just that he’d recently watched one of the Zorro movies.
It was one of those odd moments that stretched out long enough that he could think about things like that. Broader concepts. Sudden moments of cliche in blockbuster film.
Though what he was really thinking about was how often he had seen someone on-screen fall down stone steps like these, and roll, and manage to get up and continue the set-piece.
And how unlikely it was that his current situation would pan out the same way.
Those stone steps looked like they might quite easily burst a chap’s skull.
Carlisle wasn’t so worried. He already knew that he wasn’t going to die today. He knew that he was going to live to be a nice old age.
What he didn’t know, and didn’t really consider until this particular moment in time, was what sort of state he was going to be in while he got there.
The fall happened slowly for Carlisle, and then it happened fast, and then he went away. And then he woke up in a hospital bed.
A pessimist would see it one way, an optimist another.
It was either his arm that broke the fall, or the fall that broke his arm.
Carlisle tends to be a half-glass-empty-but-I-wasn’t-thirsty-anyway kind of a guy. All he thought about, sitting upright watching TV on a tiny hospital set, was that he wasn’t going to be taking any more damn divorce cases.
Rivka Jacobs
Nice change of pace, Nick! Very neat, and with a lighter tone than some of your recent stories. Some great turns-of-phrase, too. “It was either his arm that broke the fall, or the fall that broke his arm” — very good.
You write the science-based real-world human comedy very well!
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Nicolas Papaconstantinou
Heh… that line was the point around which the whole piece took shape.
A brief search of the site for “Carlisle” should find other stories, too.
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Andrew Cheverton
I like it – it’s short, snappy and has more than enough funny lines for its length.
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Nicolas Papaconstantinou
Like me!
Like me?
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Cyn
God I love this one. I love the clever turns so many of the individual lines take. I love that 99.9% of the entire thing takes place in about 1/3 of one second, while Carlisle is mid-air. I just love it.
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Nicolas Papaconstantinou
Carlisle is a clever guy! Glad you liked it so much, Cyn! Yay!
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georgelondon
I liked it too. Me too. Me too!
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