Contributed by Schmurgen Jonerhaffs on 22/09/09

Schmurgen 1 looked out the window at the lake which was as placid as his father had been after the first stroke. He imagined a tiny sailboat, captained by a little man with webbed feet, and his Uncle Jasper. They would fish for food, only keeping what they needed to get by, throwing the rest back like the children of unwed mothers.
Schmurgen 2 was sat in the living room watching daytime tv. He was watching mainly for afternoon weathergirl Anyeta. He had pictures of her on his cheap knock off iphone, with himself photoshopped in next to her. Eventually she came on and he sighed romantically.
Schmurgen 3 was looking in the fridge. He was enraged! He had bought a litre of orange juice but now it was all gone, and he had not had a drop. He wanted to unleash his inner crazy, and go on a rampage of vengeance throughout the house, but instead he went to get his coat so he could buy more. This time he thought, I’m going to put my name on it. It was only later that he realised how pointless that was.
Schmurgen 4 was sat on his room, laptop open and ready. It was his turn to write the elephant words story, but he wasn’t sure what to write about. For a moment he thought about writing the truth about himself and the other Schmurgens, all living in the house together, like a bunch of hippie art students in some kind of comic book commune. He decided against it. No one would make this up, he thought. It sounds too far fetched.