The Cheeseburger That Walked Like A Man

The Cheeseburger That Walks Like A Man

We called him this because of amount of food he ate. It is a lot! I think one day I saw him eat 12 cheeseburgers in one go! This would not be a standout thing, as they were macdonalds cheeseburgers which are quite small, except that he was eating them three at a time. Then he dipped his fries in milkshake.
He was the kind of guy you would hang around with when your on a diet. Watching him eat made you lose your appetite. Also he always wore plain black t-shirts, with stains on them that he claimed were pancake batter.
The strangest thing was that he was not that fat, considering his diet. There were several theories for this. One was that he must go to the gym a lot, but I did not believe that. I once saw him get a bus from one end of the street to the other because he didn’t want to walk uphill. Another theory was that, as we only saw him once or twice a month, maybe that was the only time he ate like that, and the rest of the time he eat like a healthy person.
I was convinced that he was bulimic, as it made more sense. My friend Olaf says that only teenage girls get bulimic but I’m pretty sure that anyone could get it. I was never able to gather proof though. Sometimes I would follow him in to the toilet and hide in the next cubicle, but I only ever heard normal toilet noises.
He had other memorable qualities besides his appetite. He was generous. On many occasions I saw him giving change to a homeless person (although it was a girl that bore a strong resemblance to him so I kept thinking it must be his sister.) He was funny too. Once we were watching SpiderMan on the dvd, and in the scene where SpiderMan kissed Mary Jane while hanging upside down, I said  “Did you know that Toby Aguirre passed out when they were filming this scene.” And he said “That’s because all the blood was rushing to his head!”
I wasn’t that close to him, so I was surprised to be asked to speak at his funeral, but standing here now I can see that he was liked by a great many people. He will be missed.

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Schmurgen Jonerhaffs

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