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The Finger Painting Gallery

Contributed by Schmurgen Jonerhaffs on 17/08/09

It’s worth twentyfive hundred pounds you know.
No.
Yeah.
You sure?
Course I’m sure. Look. It says so in the catalog.
Huh.
Dont you like it?
I suppose. It’s nice.
Nice? Are you a splaztard or something? He was one of the greatest arteests of the twentyfirst century!
Huh.
Azzopardee was like the Picasso of the London sceen. Crazy like a pig on fire and full of spunk.
Is that what he painted with?
He painted this one with his finger.
What was on it?
He used an iPhone.
Eye phone?
Yeah. It’s what they used in the olden days before everyone was hooked up to the web by the nipples.
Huh. And you could paint on an eyephone?
Azzopardee could. He was a fupcacking genius!
Huh.
Don’t you care any about history? Or art?
Beards.
?
i like beards.
Azzopardee had a beard! See I knew you’d get into this eventually.
Did he ever paint it?
You kno what – fuck you! Fuck you. I’m never taking you anywhere ever again.

And with that Zarkon marched out taking Onnsen with him. Which was shame as if they’d only walked a few meters further they’ve have found the Dan Lester wing, which was full of bearded self-portraits. Onnsen would have loved ‘The Day Dan Lester was Tricked Into Beleving He Was Taking Part in a Smear Cake All Over Your Face and Beard competition’, his most famous work (valud at seventeen hundred pounds and currently owned by the descendents of Phil Jupitus).

The gallery closed at five and everyone turned of teh lights and went home.

The ghosts of Dan Lester and Shan Azzopardee drank ghost beer until they vomitted and past out.

Just like the old days.