Pick-up
It was a singles bar, and Jeanne was determined to leave that night with a change in her “firmly alone” status. Brice had suggested they go, and had offered to play bouncer for anyone that seemed a bit overzealous or just plain awful. Fortunately, for Brice at least, nobody seemed to be paying any attention to Jeanne, leaving him free to pursue a short redhead in skinny jeans and a white blouse emblazoned with cherries. As the redhead laughed at Brice’s joke and placed her hand on his knee, Jeanne wondered if Brice knew he was being manipulated so easily, but then realized he wouldn’t care even if he did.
Jeanne returned to her drink and waged her never-ending battle to drain the large glass. She should have gotten a cocktail, but Brice had hyped up the bar as having over eighty craft beers on tap, to the point where she would have felt like a bitch to order anything not containing hops and malt. The drink was dark brown and there was an undercurrent of banana bread to it that was not entirely unpleasant, but the thickness and richness made her unable to take anything larger than a small sip. A lighter glass, golden in hue with a trace of red, was set down next to hers.
“Is it alright?” The man was tall, though not abnormally so. He wore an old-fashioned hat, though Jeanne could never remember the names of the styles. His wire-rimmed glasses sat firmly near the bridge of his nose, enlarging his eyes to the point he appeared almost Disney-esque. The effect was strangely endearing.
“By all means!” Jeanne hadn’t meant to sound so eager (a synonym, she knew, for desperate), but to temper it down now would seem suspicious. She would simply have to maintain a certain level of enthusiasm for the next few minutes. “I’m Jeanne.”
“Cheers,” the man said, and lifted his glass. They clinked the drinks together and the man lounged comfortably back in his seat, arms spread across the sides of the chair. “Alan,” he said, as he took a long sip of his beer.
He was charming. He leaned forward at just the right moments. She found herself never breaking contact with his eyes. He said witty things, and they formed a playful banter, each one one-upping the other, and while he won the last word several times, she didn’t feel as if he forfeit the times she cleverly laid him out. After last call, he picked up her tab and gave her his phone number. She refused to take it, and grabbed onto him instead.
It was evident later, as he handled himself smoothly in the bank, she had made an excellent decision. Brice’s redhead was nowhere near this cool around gunfire.
Schmurgen Jonerhaffs
Great story! I love bananabread beer!
Reply
jemina
There is something to be said here for how you delve into the psyche of a female: Jeanne’s hesitation to order anything but beer lest she feel like a “bitch” and “desperate” opening line. Under the spell of a fedora, perhaps. I’m not pulling the feminist bullhorn out. Just follow this bouncing ball…
Matthew, a woman exhibiting brittle composure does NOT turn into a tigress after the tab. I don’t know where this characater development occured aside from a fantastical daydream or a film with outlandish content.
In reality:
A “Jeanne” void of prowess takes Alan’s number. REVERENTLY slips it in her wallet behind her ID. Flies home. Calls 10 girlfriends to report that she’ll be married in a few months. She’ll call Alan 9am the next morning to squeak, “I had a dream about you!!” Alan will answer his phone out of boredom and/or a tinge of guilt with increasingly less frequency over the next few days. Eventually his phone is mysteriously unable to notify Alan that his future fiance is calling every hour. Weird, huh? Jeanne calls all 10 girlfriends and says, “It’s going pretty well! I think I’ll just wait for him at that bar again tonight and tomorrow night to see if I can run into him because I think he left his phone in a cab.” There she waits and orders beer with the undercurrent banana bread only to rouse the nostalgia that could have been.
Reply
Rivka Jacobs
Hey Jemina, I fight all the time about the depiction of female characters, especially in comic books. But in this case, I didn’t find Matthew’s depiction of Jeanne to be questionable or out of place.
I think he was going more for a “Natural Born Killers” vibe, with that twist at the end. It was more of a caricature, than a serious examination of human relationships. I could be totally wrong. But I’ve read Hartwell stories that handled the female character very realistically and respectfully, so I’m thinking, that in this case the transformation into a “tigress” was an intentional jag in the narrative, meant to take us in an entirely new direction with these characters.
However, I love your scenario! Jeanne as Borderline Personality obsessive, perhaps, or Jeanne as a pawn of our society, so desperate for a “man” she will hound him, which makes the man want to run away from her as fast as possible.
Reply
Matthew Hartwell
Additonal Brice and Jeanne stories include:
Last story, chronologically:
http://elephantwords.co.uk/2009/03/28/long-and-lonesome/
Middle story:
http://elephantwords.co.uk/2009/02/20/check-out-time/
And this was the first, so far.
Reply
Rivka Jacobs
I like this story, Matthew. Has elements of those ballads and folktales about the allure of the “Highwayman.” But I think it’s way more satiric. Like I said above, I get vibes of “Natural Born Killers” from the ending.
I’m not aware of additional “Brice and Jeanne” stories. Could you link to previous chapters in their relationship? Well, at least we can now say, Jeanne has entered on an entirely unique path. I hope you will someday continue, and show us what happens next for these characters.
Reply