8 Ball is a Gamble

Today we decide to have barbeque in garden but there is no meat apart from swedish meatballs, and they are too small for barbeque grill as they fall through.

But then I have idea of putting eight meatballs on skewer and we call them 8-ball kebabs! Everyone agree, apart from Jokkim, who I notice is looking at my Helga the way bull looks at cow. I do not want to be confrontational on happy barbeque day but I am unable to relax after I notice this. Later I kick hole in fence and get splinter in ankle. Helga calls me stupid and goes to sleep at lesbian friends house. In ther morning I go round and give her flowers and potato salad as apology. We both cry and then we go to watch Transformers 2 in cinema. I good!

But I cannot enjoy Transformers 2. Not because it is not incredible feat of cinematic and robotic warfare, because it is, but because the events of yesterday stay with me. Even as Opitimus Prime pummels the crap out of the other robots (sometimes with a tree! which make my splinter itch! but its worth it!) and ancient pyramids get destroyed to hell, I can think of nothing but the possibility of losing Helga, and maybe losing her forever.

As Megan Fox sweats all over her motorbicycle all I can think of is Helga.

As Arce (sexy robot Transformer… Huurrrrr) turns out to be sexy triplets, all I can think of is Helga.

As hot college slut tries to kill Shia Le Beef with a ten foot Decepticoin tongue… Actually then I not think of Helga so much as ‘what the hell hapened there?’

Is this normal, I ask myself? (My always thinking of Helga – not the Decepticoin slut tongue). Maybe it is a sign that she is the one? The forever one! The girl I should… Marry!

At the end of the film we sit and wait for the lights to come up. I stare into her eyes. And she stares into mine. Is now good time to ask her?

‘What you thinking Schmurgen?’ She asks?
‘You first’ I say. (I am a gentleman!)
‘I don’t think your 8 balls were not cooked properly. My guts are bad. Maybe I’m going to be up all night.’ She says.

I decide not to propose mariage.
And next time I go see Transformers 2 with Yokkim!

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Schmurgen Jonerhaffs

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