How To Look At Girls

Contributed by Nicolas Papaconstantinou on 07/03/09

Stefan leans back on the uncomfortable pub chair, his elbows resting behind it’s back, and half-turns to one side, so that he is facing Uhuru where she sits diagonally opposite to him.

“Do you see?” He says, and moves his hands out slightly where they’re dangling, to indicate the position that he’s sitting in.
“Um, yeh?” She says. “Looks comfortable.”
“It is, but that’s not all…” He says. “See, if I sit like this, the area of the pub that I can casually take in expands. So less of those awkward ‘craning your neck around and getting caught out by a girl’ moments.”
“Oh, right.”
“See?” He says, and leans back slightly further, glancing back in the direction of the bar at the girl that they’ve been checking out.

Uhuru nods, and then without thinking turns in her seat to look in the same direction. A few seconds later, she yanks her head back to look at him.

“Grr. I can’t believe you got that seat.”
“It was just the first space I saw. But you have to keep an eye out for these things.” He grins. “I can’t believe that you are still such a lousy lesbian. It’s been six months.”
“It’s been six months since I told everyone.” She says, looking shyly into the pint glass that she’s taking a sip from. “I’ve been gay a lot longer than that, Stef.”
“Well, then, that’s even worse. You are so bad at noticing girls.” He takes a swig from his own drink, then puts it down suddenly.

“Look.” He says. “Look. Look.” He repeats. “Look look LOOK!”
“Mm?” Uhuru looks up from the spot of spilled beer she was examining.
“Gah! She was looking right over here. You missed her.”
“Oh. Bugger.” She half turns and has another look, but quickly returns to her previous position. “Just her back.”

Jane arrives.
“Sorry… Hi Roo.” She says, taking off her coat and putting it across the back of the chair next to Stefan, and then leaning in and giving him a kiss, “… Every time I tried to leave the office, the bloody phone went again. Hi, darling. What did I miss?”
“There’s a hot girl up at the bar.” Stefan says.
“Really hot.” Uhuru agrees. “Stef was trying to teach me how to look at girls again, but I’m just rubbish.” She teases.
“Oh, god. Hm, that one?” Jane says, and looks over at Stefan, a mask of puzzlement on her face. “Y’think she’s that cute? Really?” She looks back at the girl openly. “Hm. Alright I suppose, if you like that sort of thing.”
“She’s gorgeous!” Stefan feigns outrage.
“Well, s’pose.”

Jane goes to the bar, and returns ten minutes later with a glass of wine and two pints.
“Did he explain his technique for getting a decent look at a girl that’s walking in the same direction as you, once you’ve gone past them?” She asks Uhuru.
“Yeah, you overtake them, but then if you cross roads ahead of them, you let them catch up to you while you – uh, ‘watch for traffic’ – and you make sure to look back up in their direction.”
“That’s right.” Says Stefan, as Jane rolls her eyes.
“I don’t see why I can’t just keep slowing down and speeding up again so I can keep overtaking them!” Says Uhuru, flashing smiling eyes at Jane, playign with Stefan.
“Because then you’ll look like a crazy person!” Stefan takes the bait, second-generation Mediterranean brashness bubbling to the surface.

“Why faff with all this stuff, anyway?” Says Jane, gulping slightly at the last drops of her first swig of the wine. “Why not just, I don’t know, get a proper look without all this playing around? That’s what I do when I see a bloke who’s got potential.”
“It’s different with girls…” Says Uhuru. “They might not like it if they see you do it.”
“True,” Says Stefan, “and besides that, a bit of finesse isn’t a bad thing. What if you realise the girl isn’t attractive enough for you to want to have drawn attention to your attention?”
“You two are both mad! I mean, Roo’s got an excuse, she’s still muddling through with this stuff, but you…” She says, looking at Stefan. “… It’s a wonder we ever managed to start going out.”

“What do you mean?” Says Uhuru.
“Well, what’s the worst thing that can happen if that girl does see you looking at her? If she did and didn’t like it, what’s the absolute worst thing that could happen then? People have plenty of their own stuff going on – it might sound horrible, but most of the time people they don’t know don’t even raise a ripple.
And anyway, she might not mind, or think that you were just staring in her general direction as you did a sweep of the room.”
“Ah,” says Stefan, “but what if you do end up in conversation with the girl? If the first impression you give her is of furtive glances or a rude stare, how will that not affect the rest of your time with her?”
“Well, we do okay! And I don’t even remember what you were doing the first time I saw you!”
“You might not remember, but at a subconscious level you will have picked it up, and it will have made some impact on you.” Stefan takes a sip of his pint before continuing. “Every little detail makes an impression, and every thing we do is fine detail.”
“No, darling. Everything we do is fine.” Jane lifts her glass to her lips, then lowers it, thinking better of it. “The worst thing that can happen is that nothing can happen, and the details are for picking over once we’ve taken in the broad strokes.” She swigs triumphantly.

The three drink for a while longer, but that’s as sensible as the conversation gets.