Dirty Dan is Looking at You

Yesterday a man appeared in Leeds Crown Court facing a series of bizarre criminal charges.

Dan Jester, 28 of Carradine Road, pleaded emphatically not guilty to all 36 disturbances of the peace, but showed indifference to the 3 counts of public indecency he also faces.

One witness for the prosecution, who cannot be identified because of his age, recalled the morning when Jester approached him as him and a group of friends as they played football in the park. The jury heard that when Jester asked, ‘what’s going on here then?’ the witness responded with ‘piss off, fatty’. Jester’s reaction, to rip off his shirt and chase the boys for around half a mile, while repeatedly shouting ‘my nipples are like hardened steel, forged in the fires of Croydon,’ was described as ‘singularly baffling’ by the presiding judge.

As was his proposed defence in the peeping tommery allegedly visited upon his neighbours on Carradine Road. Witness after witness took the stand and told how, daily, at around 7am, Jester would open each letter box on the street, stare inside the house for exactly three minutes and then call out ‘ok, I’m done now, you can take her away.’ The defendant claimed that he was under the impression that it would only be considered an illegal invasion of privacy if his moustache could be seen fully by the official occupant of house.

Jester’s own sister described him as ‘generally dependable’, but then told of a series of disturbing occurrences which led to him being labelled ‘Dan Jester the car molester’ for much of his adolescence. Expert witness Dr Don Azzopardo from the Camden Institute of Psychology, however, exclaimed the defendant to be in excellent mental health.

The case continues.

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David Baillie is a freelance writer and artist. Born almost thirty years ago in Scotland, he now lives and works in the East End of London.

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